The past has no power to stop you from being present now. Only your grievance about the past can do that. What is grievance? The baggage of old thought and emotion. ~Lao Tzu
Are you carrying emotional baggage from one relationship to another? Just like schlepping an overstuffed Samsonite, it will cost you, make your journey more difficult, and could prevent you from making a successful connection!
Relationships are a bit of a dance, and in order to remain light on our feet, we need to shed the dead weight of the issues that continue to plague us. The tango is a dance in which two people either move together in the same direction or in opposition to each other. Perhaps this is why the phrase ‘it takes two to tango’ is so often used when referring to relationships.
While it does take two to make or break a relationship, we need to hold ourselves accountable for our responsibility as it relates to its success, or its collapse. As we all know, to keep a long-term relationship moving forward takes much effort. If it ends, and we don’t look deeply into our actions or inactions that played a role in the demise, then we are simply setting ourselves up for another relationship with an expiration date.
Be honest with yourself.
Do you have trouble communicating?
If so, then ask yourself: Is it easier to get divorced than it is to make the effort to listen to her, to show her attention so she feels you ‘get’ her and that she is a priority?
Are you emotionally unavailable?
If so, then ask yourself: Would you rather be alone than experience an emotionally strong connection because it’s built on vulnerability?
Are you a workaholic?
If so, then ask yourself: Would you rather end the relationship than work a little less so you have enough energy to provide him with the intimacy he requires to feel connected?
Do you make excuses (you call them reasons) for not being where you want to be in your life?
If so, then ask yourself: Would you rather stay single than step up and do what it takes to improve your lifestyle?
I’ve heard people say, “I’d have to change who I am, and I’m not willing to do that.”
I ask, is changing your behavior the same as changing who you are? Is making an effort to show you care, changing your personality? Granted, if you enjoy working on cars, you won’t be happy in a three-piece suit… but that’s not the same as being willing to learn the tools that will help you change and grow
. These tools could very well prevent you from going to the pit for a tire change every few laps around the track!
We will keep getting the same results if we keep doing the same things! (Yes, also known as insanity). Hard as we try to ignore them, the lessons we are supposed to learn in this life will continue to boomerang right back in our face until we come face to face with them. This applies to many areas of our lives including our work, weight, familial or intimate relationships.
Our issues will follow us from relationship to relationship and will not go away until you tackle them head on!
Some possible demons to consider:
Fear of vulnerability
Lack of Self Esteem
Lack of Awareness
You can blame your parents, your metabolism, your partner, your age, or the economy. You can blame your boss, or your dog who ate your homework for what’s not right in your life. Or you can figure out your role in how and why your story keeps playing out the way it does. You can re-write your script, dump the baggage, and be the hero in your story. It’s the only way to fly!
There’s a luggage limit to every passenger on a flight. The same rules apply to your life. You must eliminate some baggage before you can fly. ~Rosalind Johnson
Nancy Lang is a published author, professional actress, Certified Life Coach and M.D. (Maven of Dating!). It was her role as a divorced woman that inspired her to write the book, You Want Me to What?!—The Dating Adventures and Life Lessons of a Newly Divorced Woman (available on Amazon). To read more of Nancy’s adventures, and her poignant and humorous view of life’s lessons, visit her weekly blog at www.nancytellsall.com