Where does this need of approval come from? Why is it that people are willing to let go completely of what they believe in, of their values and ideas just to get the approval of those around them? Can you imagine how sad it is not to know who you are, and to look outside for something that you think it’s missing within; how sad it is to constantly look for the approval of those around you, for their validation just so that you can feel that you are worthy.
Where did everything started? Of course, if you look at it from a psychological point of view, you will go all the way to your childhood and if you start analyzing everything, if you start analyzing your interactions with your parents, your teachers and school mates, your friends, the programs you watched on T.V., etc., you may get a better understanding of where it all started and how it evolved, but of course, we are not all psychologists so we may not know how to understand all of these things.
If you are in this situation, my question is this: Do you realize what you are going through, do you realize what you are doing to yourself, or is it something that you do unconsciously? Would this be something you would want to get rid of, or are you okey with it?
Chasing outside yourself for love and appreciation because you have so little to give to yourself it’s one of the saddest things one human being can experience in my opinion. It’s not a judgement, not at all, it’s just an understanding of the inner pain and inner struggles, because, for those who who need to constantly feed themselves with the approval of others in order to feel good about themselves, are in great pain for sure.
It’s just like Mother Teresa said it: “Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.” but of course, you first have to learn how to love yourself before expecting to receive love and approval from others.
This is why it’s so important to find the time to sit still, to quiet our minds, and to really understand who we are, why we do the things we do, why we are so eager to please other people but not our own selves, and look for ways to change this, because of course, it can be changed.
Acknowledging what we are doing and the intention to do something about it will help us change ourselves, our lives, and also the people around us. You have no idea how much love and appreciation you will start receiving, effortlessly, the moment you act in accordance with who you are and with what you believe in, and not in accordance with what other people think you are’ not in accordance with what other people want from you.